United States Communist Party

Fucking communist bastards. Steeling our "precious bodily fluids" through fluoridation was one thing, but I never thought they'd stoop to this: From the 1963 Goals of the United States Communist Party (this is real):

22) Continue discrediting American culture by degrading all forms of artistic expression. An American Communist cell was told to "eliminate all good sculpture from parks and buildings, substitute shapeless, awkward and meaningless forms."

That's right! It's so obvious now, of course this was a communist plot:










Oh what fools we've been! We all knew these fucking sculptures were bullshit, but did we have the balls to stand up and tell these "artists" to go fuck themselves? No! Well now it's your duty (as an American) to explain to everyone you meet that "Those weird statues are all part of a Communist conspiracy to destroy America! They're everywhere!"

Also by the looks of this "1963 Goals" list, the Communists might be kicking our asses (again, this is real):

For those of you still "on the fence" when it comes to joining the Communist Party, you're probably thinking: "On the one hand, I love all the mass graves and totalitarianism, but I just don't know if we share the same hobbies or taste in music." Well, the Communist Party USA has a new recruiting video that might just put those fears to rest:

Now... before you grab your scrapbooking kit and go jumping on that Communist bandwagon; let's give Capitalism a chance. OK Capitalism... you've got one minute to convince us Communism sucks balls, while trying to sell us something:

And that's just the trailer... Capitalism wins... again. Also, scrapbooking? Seriously? Scrapbooking might be the only thing worse than Communism. A Communist's scrapbook looks something like this:
1) Newspaper clipping of your fathers public execution.
2) Picture of the mass grave where your mother was buried .
3) Some propaganda story from the state run media.
That's about as far as you get before the Government finds out you have a scrapbook, and kills you.