In the old days, politicians could just send an aide to pick up a briefcase full of cash in a rainy parking lot, and that was that... Bribe accomplished. But now with cell phone cameras, banking records, and that Goddamn internet, using your elected office to become millionaire is getting tricky.
Fortunately for struggling public servants everywhere, the classic "shady land-deal" still works like a charm. It's basically the political version of insider trading: You find some worthless/shitty land and have your "associates" buy it up for you (if the current owners won't sell, you simply force them out... you're the government). Then you rezone (or build a highway through) the land, its value skyrockets, and your "associates" cut you in on the profits.
By the looks of it, some California politicians have already chosen their "shitty land" and are working on stage two: Forcing out the current owners:
"We're from the government, and we're here to help" ... That piece of shit County Supervisor's a prime example of why term limits are so Goddamn important. How many terms?… One. Your liberty is more fucking important than some power-hungry douchebag's career.
We've said it a thousand times: All legit crimes (such as arson and non-consensual fisting) have been illegal for years, so why the fuck is the government still passing laws?...
Well, like everything else in life, it's about the money. New laws begin with someone realizing a way to use the government to get rich (or richer). They hire people to write the law, and then lobby the necessary politicians. The lobbyists (a.k.a. bullshit artists) spin the proposed scam until it looks like a public service, and after buying majority support through campaign contributions (or outright bribes), that bill becomes a law. The originator of the scam rakes in the cash while those who aren't politically connected get fucked. Politicians intentionally crush the "little guys" (like independent owner/operators of taxi cabs in Washington D.C.) to benefit their contributors. Laws are get rich quick schemes, it's just that simple:
"The Government is best which governs least." Absolutely Goddamn right. So what would happen if a city government stuck to just running police and fire departments, then hired evil/greedy corporations to handle everything else?... Actually they'd probably still fuck that up... So what if they hired an evil/greedy corporation to be in charge of finding and hiring other evil/greedy corporations to handle everything else?... Fuck, that just might be crazy enough to work:
The law perverted! And the police powers of the state perverted along with it! The law, I say, not only turned from its proper purpose but made to follow an entirely contrary purpose! The law become the weapon of every kind of greed! Instead of checking crime, the law itself guilty of the evils it is supposed to punish!
If this is true, it is a serious fact, and moral duty requires me to call the attention of my fellow-citizens to it. -- From "The Law" by Frederic Bastiat, 1850
Finally someone's willing to stand up to the scourge of cheap, convenient, delicious food. One of mankind's oldest enemies has finally met it's match:
Exactly!... How dare you presume the "right" to open a business on your own property? What do you think this is… a free country? Nonsense! When are you going to realize the Government knows best? Fuck, if it wasn't for America's noble city councilmen, fast food restaurants would spread like Goddamn locusts, totally destroying all other businesses. There'd be nothing but sixty or seventy McDonald's in a row, as far as the eye could see. Good luck trying to buy groceries then, asshole. Gas stations? Don't kid yourself. Without the Government, they'd all be destroyed by a Taco Bell infestation... Then what would you "Libertarians" do? Starve to death, that's what! Just be thankful there are politicians (with absolutely no business experience) willing to manage your economy and keep you alive... Stossel can take it from here:
We're proposing a simple new law everyone could get behind: If a member of Congress votes for a law, and that law ends up making shit worse than it was before; that dumb bastard has to donate their entire salary to unfucking the situation, for as long as it takes to fix shit like this:
(They should also be launched from a trebuchet into the sea... but that part probably wouldn't make it through committee hearings.)
We're proposing a simple new law everyone could get behind: If a member of Congress votes for a law, and that law ends up making shit worse than it was before; that dumb bastard has to donate their entire salary to unfucking the situation, for as long as it takes to fix shit like this:
