Funny how those greedy, profit-seeking corporations have developed a non-violent system of tags and alarms to combat potential shoplifters, yet the altruistic government has no time for such finesses... Everybody gets the crackhead takedown:
So according to police, this video of a grandfather (who was somehow arrested for shoplifting even though he never made any attempt to take merchandise out of the store) lying unconscious and bleeding profusely in the middle of a Walmart, while a circle of witnesses complain it was police brutality, doesn't in any way indicate that officers acted inappropriately:
At this point there's no video of the police actually executing their (totally by-the-book and official) "Slam A Civilian's Face Into the Concrete As Hard As Possible" maneuver, but scientists agree it probably looked something like this:
Before this video surfaced, DC Police claimed that this disabled man "refused to comply” to a police citation and resisted arrest, which “resulted in him falling out of his wheelchair.” After the investigation, officers were cleared of any wrongdoing. Apparently, "acting appropriately" includes falsifying police reports and hospitalizing petty criminals.
First, the Government said "Don't drive drunk." Probably good advice... right up there with "Don't drive blindfolded" and "Wait for a red light to shove that pine cone up your ass." If your negligence hurts somebody else, you're held responsible, of course.
But the Government didn't stop there: "Don't drive drunk" became "Don't drink and drive," and that became "Buzzed driving is drunk driving," which has finally become, "Drive sober or get pulled over." From drunk to drinking to buzzed to sober in four easy steps… and they’re kind of being dicks about it.
Listen, the words "Orwellian" and "Big Brother" get thrown around pretty freely these days, so let's cut the hyperbole and be serious for a minute. Can you watch this message from your government and honestly say they're not trying to convey the idea "Big Brother is watching" or simply "The Government's watching you"?
The fastest way to end the Government’s overreaction/exploitation of a problem is… solve it yourself. Here at Absolute Despotism, we're all about solutions… So, submitted for your approval, a simple plan to end alcohol related driving deaths forever:
Punishing drunk drivers alone will never solve the problem, simply because… they're fucking drunk. If you're too drunk to operate a motor vehicle, you're too drunk to make responsible decisions. The government could run PSA's every goddamn day saying "Hey man, don't get drunk and fuck that fat chick" but (just like getting a DUI) guys will still wake up in a room they don't recognize, hoping they didn't fuck that hideous person next to them.
So… less stick, more carrot. You have to make NOT driving drunk a much more convenient and enjoyable option than simply driving home. How?... Think about it... At the end of the night a drunk guy wants three things: His car to get home safely, some fast food, and to fuck.
For anyone who really cares about saving lives, the solution should be obvious: America needs a charitable organization which will (for free) drive your car home, give you a pizza, and suck your cock.... Call it: "The Pizza and Blow-jobs Express." (Hey MADD… get on it.)
Just imagine those commercials... Instead of Big Brotherish cops, you’ll have hot (yet socially responsible) girls saying, "Don't drive drunk! Just give us a call and we'll drive you home, give you a pizza, and suck your dick!... All free of charge, any time you want!" Fixed forever… you’re welcome America.
Also, anyone who doesn't support this anti-drunk-driving/job-creating/life-saving initiative clearly cares more about imposing their personal morality on others than they do about saving innocent lives. Opposing the "Pizza and Blow-jobs Express" makes you, by definition, an immoral/bad person. For shame… for shame.
Alright, there's good news and bad news... The good news is: You live in America and not a country like Egypt or England where the government has the power to just shut down things like cellphone communication in order to disrupt protests. The bad news is: Last Thursday the San Francisco government shut down cell phone communications in order to disrupt a protest... Fuck.
"If somebody had gotten hurt or killed over it, I don't think that price is a price that we're gonna pay for free speech." Jesus fucking Christ. Has that cocksucker really never heard Franklin's liberty vs security quote? Goddamnit San Fransisco... It's as if George Orwell was standing next to you saying "Don't touch that, it's hot." and you still fucking touched it!
Some wise son of a bitch (probably Richard Feynman or Hunter S... Who remembers at this point?) once said something like "When it comes to shitty governments, all experience has shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they're accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."
Luckily, in America you can still "throw off such Government" without all the hassle of dying in a revolution (getting shot is not nearly as fun as it looks). All you have to do is accept the fact that the government's a necessary evil that will fuck you the first chance it gets... then go vote for candidates who support individual liberty and shrinking that Goddamn leviathan. Also, every time you meet a liberal, attack his beliefs until he's weeping openly... then fuck his girlfriend.
Here's a question for the parents out there: For you, what's the worst event imaginable, your ultimate nightmare?... Probably something close to: A group of men methodically beating your child to death, as he screams out for you to come save him... but you're not there.
Kelly Thomas was in his late 20’s when he first developed the symptoms of schizophrenia. As is common among schizophrenics, he struggled in the following years, going on and off of medication, as well as on and off the streets. By 37, Thomas was homeless, living in Fullerton, California. He had long hair, was probably malnourished (only weighing around 140 pounds) and was described by locals as “gentile” and “child-like”.
On the day after Independence Day, 2011, Fullerton Police approached Thomas while investigating a report that someone was breaking into cars. When the police tried to search his backpack, he attempted to run, but officers chased him down and tackled him in the street.
Once on the ground, cops proceeded to ruthlessly taze him, beat him with flashlights and tazers, and deliver repeated knee-drops to his head and throat… all while the mentally-ill Kelly Thomas lay helpless in the street, screaming in pain.
Before police finally beat him into a comma (from which he never recovered) a bystander’s cell phone video captured Thomas’s last words: “Dad! Dad! Dad!” he cried out for his father to come save his life. Unfortunately, his father wasn’t on the scene. The police, apparently unmoved by Thomas’s pleas, continued beating him until he was limp and brain dead:
Minutes after the beating ended, a few eye-witnesses boarded a nearby bus and discussed what they’d just seen. Their conversation was captured on the bus's cameras:
This is what 6 armed and trained police officers did to one unarmed, malnourished, 140 pound mentally-ill man:
Right now you're probably thinking "Jesus fucking Christ... those cops are definitely in jail...right?" No, of course they’re not in jail... Have you met the government? The City’s spent the last month trying to cover this whole thing up (apparently, killing homeless people was never such a big deal). There are complaints that the District Attorney's Office is dragging its feet... they took 3 weeks to start interviewing witnesses.
The beating reportedly took place under one of the city's light post security cameras, and after the incident, the officers involved sat down together and watched the tape (which has not been released) while they wrote their police reports to make sure they got their stories straight. Even though the Police Department had video (from day one) of exactly what happened that night, in the days following the beating only one officer was suspended. The other five officers involved weren't even put on leave until those 3rd-party videos began surfacing and media outrage forced the issue, almost a month after Thomas's death.
Luckily, the Feds are taking over the investigation... So, hopefully these cops will be tried for murder, and spend the rest of their lives in Federal “pound me in the ass” prison… but at this point, no guarantees.
Thomas's murder is a perfect example of why "bad cops" are so much worse than bad civilians... If a gang is beating a man in the streets, bystanders can call the cops, or even step in themselves. But when cops are murdering a man, bystanders wouldn't dare step in to stop it themselves. When the system designed to promote justice becomes the ultimate tool of injustice, people have nowhere to turn.
So we need a new standard for judging police officers... Call it the "Kelly Thomas Standard"... From now on for someone to be counted as a "good cop", it's not enough to simply "not do bad". They must actively try to stop the bad cops (that's what you're fucking paying them for). Otherwise, they're just an enabler.
Unfortunately (at this point) it seems like the breakdown is: Around 10% of cops are bad, 80% stand by and do nothing, enabling and covering for bad cops, and 10% of cops are actually good (they're willing to stand up to the bad cops, even if it costs them their job.)
Leave it to a fucking cop to use retard-strength as an excuse for tasing, beating, and hog-tying a mentally handicapped kid.
Just over a year ago, Jesse Kersey of Dayton, Ohio was riding his bike on the wrong side of the street when some Barney Fife of a cop named Officer Hooper tried to stop him. Kersey had the same thought I do when I see a cop (“fuck tha police”) and rode his bike home. He realized his mental handicap might impede him from communicating effectively with Hooper, so Kersey claims he went home to get his mother to translate.
Hooper wasn’t having it, especially since the kid was disrespectfully yelling psychobabble at him (see: speech impediment). He chased the kid to his house, where Kersey dumped his bike and ran to the front door. Feeling like he had run out of options, Hooper and his buddy Officer Howard tasered Kersey twice in order to stop him from fleeing.
Although getting tasered is debilitating for most able-bodied folk, according to the officers, Kersey’s tard strength was so resilient that they had to whip out pepper-spray, nightsticks, and fists to subdue him before eventually hogtying the kid so they could drag him off to jail. Then they arrested the kid’s mom and his neighbor.
Hey, Dayton Police, how’s your life? If you’re really that bored you could shove a bunch of donuts inside of a KONG toy and spend some time figuring out how to get the chocolate cream-filled one out of there. It’s a hell of a lot more rewarding than beating up a fucking handicapped kid, which may seem satisfying as your straddling him and he’s foaming at the mouth in frustration, but at the end of the day you’ll just feel empty and nauseated. Like that time you masturbated to bestiality porn.
Anyway, you’re probably wondering why the fuck we’re talking about this now, when it happened over a year ago. Well, Kersey and co. sued the DPD after the police department’s internal investigation dismissed the officers of any wrongdoing. Even though all charges were dropped against Kersey after the court verified that he is, in fact, retarded, the police officers were found to have used proper judgment that day and were dismissed of all allegations.
If that’s considered “proper judgment” for a cop, then I’m worried about our general welfare. It would liken police to an armed militia of mentally handicapped people.
Aw, who am I kidding. We should be thanking the DPD. At least they got the right house.
Hate your boss?… Wish that blonde in accounting was single?... In the past only rich, politically connected people could use the government to systematically destroy their enemies, but not anymore. Now (apparently) one simple tip regarding meth labs or automatic weapons might just make your dreams come true. Listen, hard work's for suckers. Do you really think Congressmen or Governors got where they are simply through hard work?...
You might be worried that the police might take a few minutes and "stake out" your enemy's house (or "investigate" your claim in any way at all) before sending in SWAT… Well fear not, those days are long gone:
So... in the United States of America, all the evidence needed of obtain a warrant for a SWAT raid is "Some guy said so"?... How the fuck does that conversation go?
Cops: "Your honor, we need to storm this house in the middle of the night with machine guns and kill anyone who resists." Judge: "Why?" Cops: "They have machine guns, too." Judge: "How do you know?" Cops: "An informant, Garry the crack-head told us." Judge: "Get the fuck outa here… You know Garry? He's good people, salt of the earth. If Garry the crack-head said it, it's good enough for me."
