FCC

In case of emergency, we propose the President be given authority to completely take over all media in America. We're talking about everything: AM, FM, Land Mobile Radio, VHF, UHF, cable TV, Digital TV, Sirius XM satellite radio, IBOC, DAB, digital radio, DirecTV, Dish Network and all other DBS. Fucking everything... Oh wait, that exists. It's called the Emergency Alert System (and it actually does that.) Well... good!

Every President that the United States will ever have can be trusted with the power to name himself, in essence, "Absolute Dictator of all Information." No politician would ever use a crisis to advance their political agenda (or accumulate power) and anyone who says they would is a fucking Communist and a conspiracy theorist! Trust the Government.

Also, the President must have the power to shut down the Internet. Maybe some sort of "Internet Kill Switch." Yeah, you can't be "Absolute Dictator of Information" without controlling the Internet (Actually "Absolute Despot of Information" sounds way cooler... He should go with that.) Luckily, a bill giving the President that Internet kill switch is working it's way through the Senate right now, and should pass any day... Outstanding!

Why would anyone want to hear independent "commentary" or "opinions" from CNN or Fox News during an emergency. They might criticize the Government's actions, and prevent us from "Coming together to move America forward." Don't worry, when the Government feels it's safe, it'll give us the First Amendment back.

Alright, enough sarcasm. How the fucking fuck is that shit possible? Jesus W. Christ, for the last two years we've been one heartbeat away form Joe Biden having these powers (and Nancy Pelosi just a heartbeat after that... Nancy fucking Pelosi.) Why the fuck would the Government (any Government) need the ability to silence all descent during an emergency? If the shit goes down, the News will obviously cover it (and anything the president has to say about it.) Remember 9/11?

However, instead of phasing out this unneeded bullshit, the FCC is expanding the Emergency Alert System; rolling out the next generation of EAS that will include "smart-phones, blackberries and other mobile broadband devices." On top of everything, the FCC just announced plans to increase EAS testing in the coming weeks and months... but rest assured it'll never be misused and it's all for your own good. Trust the Government.

Cass Fucking Sunstein (your beloved Regulatory Czar) is about to have the FCC name the Internet a "Public Utility." You see, Cass thinks you're too fucking stupid to be trusted with a free Internet. He knows you believe every single thing you read online. So the government needs to take control and (like the child you are) forcibly spoon feed you information. Listen for this gem: "The word 'voluntary' is a little complicated."

"The word 'voluntary' is a little complicated, and sometimes people don't do what's best for our society unless Congress holds hearings." No, it's simple: In America, "Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed." America has gone from: Government power is derived from the consent of the governed. To: Government power forces the governed to consent.