Did you ever notice there's a Socialist party, but no Capitalist party? There's an international Socialist movement, but no Capitalist movement. Why? Because free market Capitalism's not a "system". It doesn't need to be imposed on anyone by a Government. It's the lack of an imposed system. It's simply the natural way individual human beings choose to organize themselves when no one's forcing them to act differently (aka freedom). Also, the number one beneficiary of the free market is someone who's yet to make their fortune. (Just like the playoffs, Capitalism helps the bottom seeds far more than the top.) Those with the most incentive to promote Capitalism are too busy taking advantage of it's opportunities. So once again the responsibility falls on our shoulders... it's up to us to pick a fucking bad-ass "Capitalist's Theme Song". Every Friday over the summer we'll feature one contender. This week: "Pursuit of Happiness" by Kid Cudi:
If you like it, then "Like" it. If you've got a better idea... Well go fuck yourself, then send your suggestions to themesong@absolutedespotism.com. At the end of the summer, a playoff system will determine the Official Capitalist's Theme Song once and for all (whether that "Artist" likes it or not.)
Communism: It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so tragic. (Hey hippies… no, communism doesn’t work on paper, and it’s not a good idea. It’s a trick to make dumb-fucks like you think dictatorship is noble) Yes, communists killed almost 100 million people in the last 100 years. And yes, those murdering fucks should be dispatched from this earth as painfully as possible. But you’ve got to hand it to the bastards; they waste money on a whole new level. (Granted, kings can ruin their country fairly effectively. But if you want real devastation, if you want your country in laughable ruins; communism dominates the field.) Take North Korea’s Communist Dictator Kim Jong Il. This fucker’s just like the duck-billed platypus, every time you see it, you think “there’s no way this thing actually exists in real life.” He’s a Goddamn James Bond style supervillain. It’s unbelievable, but run down the supervillain checklist:
1) You need power… check.
2) You have to be a little crazy… check
3) You have to wear the same outfit every day… Check
4) You need countless henchmen… check
5) You have to be in constant pursuit of nuclear weapons… check
6) Ok, now we get to the real villain shit. You need to kidnap some kind of specialist, and hold them captive until they complete some big project you're working on. Well, back in 1978 Kim Jong kidnapped his favorite South Korean movie director, along with his actress wife. He held them captive and demanded that they make his dream movie: “a communist themed monster movie, where the monster grows to massive size by eating iron, and helps poor villagers rebel against their ruthless emperor.” Obviously, Kim Jong was executive producer. Here's a little taste (this is real):
7) Lastly, you need some unbelievably massive construction project that is “nearly complete.” Such as Kim Jong's 105 story tall “Hotel of Doom.” Allegedly, they ran out of money in 1992, so it’s been sitting unfinished ever since. Personally, I think supervillains need their projects to be constantly “nearing completion.”
So what's it like to live in a country run by a supervillain? Surprisingly shitty. Due to malnutrition, the average North Korean is now 3 inches shorter then their South Korean counterparts. Also, in one of the best demonstrations of capitalism dominating communism: here's a satellite picture of the area at night. (The long thin island is Japan, to it's left is South Korea, guess what the dark area above that is)
Economist Milton Friedman shows how he used to handle liberal douches back in the day. Watch how he argues; always on offence. Capitalism will only survive if people defend it, call liberals on their bullshit, and make them cry (when possible).
