Good news everyone! President Obama ordered the Justice Department to investigate why gasoline prices are so high. The Government's definitely going to find out who's responsible (right after O.J. finds the real killer). Goddamnit, if this wasn't just a political stunt, the investigation's findings would consist entirely of a "Supply and Demand" graph drawn a cocktail napkin... But this is purely political, so the investigation will take forever (all the while giving Obama political cover to say "We've got our best men looking into it") and finally report: "Although we found no specific instances of wrongdoing, we recommend stronger Government regulations and controls over the oil industry."
Let's see… Why might the price of gasoline be going up? Well, first of all, the price spikes every spring, developing countries are consuming more gasoline, and the Middle East has degenerated into a cluster fuck. Anything else?... oh yeah, how about the fucking Government cock blocking American industry at every turn, or Obama telling people not to expect gas prices to come down anytime soon, or government restrictions of offshore drilling, or the government making it ridiculously difficult to get even legitimate drilling permits, or the government's efforts to regulate CO2 (which would drive up refining costs), or the EPA making it impossible to build shit in this country? (Liberals, when the Obama administration made it harder to produce gasoline... what the fuck did you think would happen to the price? You can hate oil, or have cheep oil, not both you dumb bastards.)
Now Liberals, you're constantly attacking oil companies for making "Record profits", "Obscene profits", "Windfall profits" and "gouging" the American people... On a gallon of gas, "Big Oil" companies make evil profits of about 10 cents. 10 fucking cents per gallon. If you think that's "obscene"... what the fuck do you call the Federal Government's tax of 18 cents per gallon? Or the State Government's average tax of 30 cents per gallon?... Goddamnit liberals, if 10 fucking cents is "gouging"... what the fuck do you call this:
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