Now that Bolivia and the United Nations are trying to give plants and animals the same rights as humans, you’ve got to wonder… does that mean it’ll be cool for humans to treat humans the way animals treat animals? If so, environmentalists may have just found the solution they’ve been waiting for.

By environmentalist's own standards, the "Greenest" food you can possibly eat is... human. When you think about it, a widespread descent into cannibalism would solve almost every problem liberal environmentalists bitch about.

First of all, you could stop worrying about overpopulation and global warming; for every human you eat, it removes one whole person's carbon footprint from the planet. And talk about eating locally, anyone you eat would be literally standing right next to you when they mysteriously disappear (that’s zero transportation costs, imagine how many trucks that'd take off the road).

Not to mention they’d be able to “return to nature” all the farmland used for growing and raising the food you’d otherwise have eaten. It would end the need for those genetically engineered crops and grotesquely inhumane slaughterhouses. As well as the over-fishing that’s “raping the oceans” and the over-mining that’s “raping the land.”

Also, unless you're a pro-athlete or asthmatic, you probably haven't been taking steroids. Unless you've recently been sick, you probably haven't been pumped full of antibiotics. Unless you’re in prison, you’re considered “free range.” People are just about the most "organic" food imaginable.

So liberals, people are an organic food source that’s totally local, solves overpopulation, ends cruelty to animals, ends franken-crops, has a 1 to 1 reduction rate for carbon footprints, and returns farm land to Mother Nature. Cannibalism’s your fucking panacea. Any so-called “environmentalist” that doesn't murder and eat someone immediately is a sell-out and a traitor to the cause.