Ah socialists... has there ever been a bigger group of unemployable, self-absorbed children? This video might unintentionally be the greatest marketing tool capitalism's ever had (How long do you think it'll take for "noodles" guy to get the axe?):

Comrades! Down with the fascist dictatorship of Noodles & Co.!! Revolution! How dare that reactionary franchise owner set up a "schedule" or establish a "menu". Obviously Noodles & Co. would get way more customers if the workers showed up whenever they wanted and cooked whatever they felt like. (Actually, Noodles & Co. is pretty bullshit... 6 bucks for a salad-bowl full of Easy Mac?... Go fuck yourself.)

More importantly, if it wasn't for the owner, there would be no fucking Noodles & Co. for that douchebag to take over (he sure as shit's not going to open one). Clearly he doesn't understand thish, but for the record: Restaurants are not a naturally occurring phenomenon. A man -- using his mind and will -- brought it into being, and now that worthless piece of shit somehow feels he's entitled to control it. Ayn Rand would punch that bitch right in his hipster skull cap.

This is actually a perfect example of why communism and socialism don't fucking work. That guy thinks he could run noodles company better than the owner... no, not better... fairer. Right. Does anyone out there not know exactly how that would end? Five of "that guy" running a Noodles & Co. as equals with no adult supervision. Do they know what supplies to order or how long they last? Do they know how to do maintenance on their equipment? What about the million other things small-business owners worry about when the "workers" go home at night? Workers would steal, eat as much as they want, and give shit away. They wouldn't care about profit so they wouldn't charge the right prices. That means no cash reserves... so the first time they have a bad month... they go the fuck out of business. Now imagine that shit happening at every business in the country... When you actually meet a socialist, it becomes obvious why socialism always results in shortages and starvation.

Alright, enough talk about fucking noodles. How about the rest of those submissive collectivists? Apparently shampoo is strictly forbidden by Marxist-Leninist teachings. Jesus W. Christ. We're pretty sure the guy from the "Radical Collective Space" hasn't showered in about 5 months. They seem like the type of people who have the knowledge and ability to make their own soap... but choose not to. Also, is there anything more hilariously hypocritical then an anti-capitalism magazine with a price tag on it? If the shit ever goes down and you need to devise a test to identify socialists, we know their tell: Irony escapes them.