Thanks to some smooth talking (and artful cunnilingus) we were able to convince Janet Napolitano to relinquish control of Absolute Despotism! Okay... we know what you're thinking: "Bullshit! It's obvious Janet Napolitano has a penis." Clearly you've never seen the Director of Homeland Security naked... until now:
You're Welcome. Now, for the matter of our "Seized" image:
The language was taken from an actual bill proposed in Congress two years ago: H.R. 1966: Megan Meier Cyberbullying Prevention Act:
Sec. 881. Cyberbullying
‘(a) Whoever transmits in interstate or foreign commerce any communication, with the intent to coerce, intimidate, harass, or cause substantial emotional distress to a person, using electronic means to support severe, repeated, and hostile behavior, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.
‘(b) As used in this section--
‘(1) the term ‘communication’ means the electronic transmission, between or among points specified by the user, of information of the user’s choosing, without change in the form or content of the information as sent and received; and
‘(2) the term ‘electronic means’ means any equipment dependent on electrical power to access an information service, including email, instant messaging, blogs, websites, telephones, and text messages.’.
Thankfully, that bill hasn't passed… Yet. But with the media's constant hysterics over "cyberbullying" and the Federal Government's ever increasing control over the Internet; you know it's only a matter of time until that shit starts actually happening.
Now, for all you Liberals out there who think these laws are a good idea, remember you're not just giving these powers to this administration. Laws don't expire when your guy leaves office. You're giving these powers to every administration; to every President from now on. Do you really want to empower the next George Bush with the ability to shut down the Huffington Post or the Daily Kos? Goddamnit liberals, take a second to think about the fucking consequences... But hey, if you cared about the consequences of your actions, you wouldn't be the incompetent vegan pussies we've all come to know and not hire. And for fuck's sake, stop chanting all the goddamn time. If you ever find yourself sober, yet chanting repetitively... it's time to reevaluate just about everything.
(Note: Everyone who spent time viewing the site's source code, trying to prove it was an April fools joke... the image was clickable. Yep, all you had to do was click the "Seized" image and you would have been redirected to the fully functional site. You guys are too smart for your own good.)