Telethons… the perfect solution to this whole debt ceiling problem. Obama's basically just a fundraiser anyway... all politicians are (that's what campaigning is). In the first quarter alone Obama has raised 42 million for his reelection campaign, and he’s expected to raise over a billion when it's all said and done. Well if he can do that for his own personal election, he can do it for America.
It’s simple, the Federal Government receives tax revenue of about $200 billion per month, but the cost of paying the interest on the debt (aka prevent the Government from defaulting) is only $29 billion per month. So no need to worry about default, that’s covered. On top of that, the Government spends almost $110 billion per month on: Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, active duty military personnel and veteran’s benefits combined. So that can all be funded without raising the debt ceiling, with around $60 billion to spare.
If Obama wants to spend more than that, he should turn those celebrity packed parties he's always hosting into telethons and raise some “revenue” himself. Organize it so people can make a donation to specific programs so they can choose where their donated dollars go. Politicians can trot out all the little programs they want to fund, justify them to America, and let the people decide. Then liberals can put their money where their mouth is.
But why stop there? The government needs to get creative with their fundraising. Produce celebrity renditions of The Star-Spangled Banner and America the Beautiful then put that shit on iTunes for $.99 apiece. Charge a million bucks to play 18 holes with the President. Auction off a date with Nanny Policy. Fuck it, even Joe Biden could find some way to earn a little cash (parking lot behind the Supreme Court around 2 am. HJs: $5, BJs: $10).
Government workers can start wearing a suit embroidered with their agency’s biggest sponsors. That would serve two functions: First, it would fund the government through voluntary donation. Second, everybody could to see exactly who was contributing the most. Also, start selling the naming rights to government buildings: The General Electric EPA headquarters and the SEIU White House (They own them already, might as well make it official).
If you could actually choose where your money’s going, people would be amazed how much cash went to NASA and the Defense Department, and how little money people are willing to voluntarily send agencies like the DEA and ATF. (Side Note: The ATF may stand for “Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives”, but spend one afternoon standing in a field, smoking cigars and drinking scotch, while firing a gold plated AK-47 across State Lines at piñatas stuffed with TNT, and those pussies freak the fuck out. Apparently they’re actually against those 4 amazing products and are therefore undeserving of such a cool sounding name. We hereby propose it be changed to the more fitting “The Bureau of Buzz-Kills and Cockblockery.”)
But if all that seems slightly unlikely, you can always go with plan B: Warren Buffett, Stephen King, everyone in Hollywood, and all those liberal millionaires who signed petitions asking the government to "raise my taxes”, it’s time for those assholes step up and CTC motherfuckers. Make them payable to:
Attn Dept G
Bureau of the Public Debt
P. O. Box 2188
Parkersburg, WV 26106-2188
Surely, the IRS will be overrun with donations… because liberals are so generous, right? Or are they only generous with other people’s money?