Apparently liberals plan to save the earth by… bathing as little as possible. The internet’s abuzz with environmentalists challenging you to "keep showers under 3 minutes." Even Jennifer Aniston has said: "I take a three-minute shower. I even brush my teeth while I shower. Every two minutes in the shower uses as much water as a person in Africa uses for everything in their life for a whole day." Un-fucking-believable… That statement has to be tackled in chunks:
First: "I take a three-minute shower." Why?... Water falls from the fucking sky! If we need more, we’ll catch more Goddamnit. And if we can’t, the price will go up, causing people to conserve when it actually matters. The only result of environmentalist’s current speed-showering is a disgusting neglect for personal hygiene and grooming. On a serious note… if the cost of saving the planet is creating a world of unkempt vaginas, fuck it... Let's burn this mother fucker down. That's not a world worth saving.
Second: "I even brush my teeth while I shower." This may be a difficult concept to grasp, but just because you're doing two things at the same time, does not mean you're being more efficient. Now pay attention liberals, this is a little trick called math: If you brush your teeth at the sink, you can actually turn the water off while you're brushing. You only really need about 5 seconds of running water, and high efficiency faucets have flow rates around 1.5 gallons per minute, that's about 16 fl oz of water to brush at the sink.
Now, when you brush in the shower, even if you're brushing with one hand and furiously scrubbing your body with the other, you're probably going to add at least 20 seconds to your shower time. Assuming you don't have a fancy shower setup, that's 20 seconds at 2.2 gallons per minute or 94 fl oz. You're wasting five fucking times more water you dumb bastards, how did you not see that?... (Alright, at this point we have to assume environmentalists are descended from some line of apes that never touched the Monolith; it’s the only possible scientific explanation.)
Lastly: “Every two minutes in the shower uses as much water as a person in Africa uses for everything in their life for a whole day." Amazing…That statement encapsulates everything that's wrong with the Left. They simply feel guilty for their prosperity and instead of figuring out how America achieved this high standard of living (and then helping poor countries follow in our footsteps) they seek to drag us down to their level.
Some people are just determined to live in a dystopian future whether they’re forced to or not. You can almost hear Huxley’s Mustapha Mond or Rand’s Ellsworth Toohey explaining that “In the shower, people’s minds are free from distractions; they have nothing to do but think… The State doesn’t need any thinking people, so we limit showers to 3 minutes.” They’re voluntarily acting this way… and bragging about it! (Next thing you know they'll be voluntarily carrying around a traceable device and voluntarily turning over every single personal detail to some global collection of profiles... Oh, right.) Listen Liberals… there’s nothing you need more than 20 minutes alone with your thoughts and some thorough crotchal maintenance… Go kill two birds with one stone.