Government Fuck-ups

Funny how those greedy, profit-seeking corporations have developed a non-violent system of tags and alarms to combat potential shoplifters, yet the altruistic government has no time for such finesses... Everybody gets the crackhead takedown:

So according to police, this video of a grandfather (who was somehow arrested for shoplifting even though he never made any attempt to take merchandise out of the store) lying unconscious and bleeding profusely in the middle of a Walmart, while a circle of witnesses complain it was police brutality, doesn't in any way indicate that officers acted inappropriately:

At this point there's no video of the police actually executing their (totally by-the-book and official) "Slam A Civilian's Face Into the Concrete As Hard As Possible" maneuver, but scientists agree it probably looked something like this:

Before this video surfaced, DC Police claimed that this disabled man "refused to comply” to a police citation and resisted arrest, which “resulted in him falling out of his wheelchair.” After the investigation, officers were cleared of any wrongdoing. Apparently, "acting appropriately" includes falsifying police reports and hospitalizing petty criminals.

"I challenge you: Name for me a single government program which has accomplished its intended objectives, rather than the opposite... which has not done more harm than good." ~Milton Friedman

The war on drugs has been such an unmitigated cluster-fuck that it can only be tackled in chunks, so we begin with the greatest drug of all time… C₂H₅OH, aka “Mr. Walker’s Amber Restorative” aka… Alcohol… Yes, alcohol is a drug; official side effects include: mysterious bruises, headaches, crime, vomiting, adventurous sexual exploits, and the best Goddamn stories of your life.

Think of alcohol as reversion therapy… The more you drink, the younger you act: The first couple rounds turn you into a chatty teenager; a few more and you're a giggly 12-year-old. Then, before you know it, you're naked, rolling around on the ground, covered in your own piss and shit, babbling like an infant (and for fucks sake, whatever you do, don't drink yourself to pre-birth or you'll experience what's known as "dying of alcohol poisoning").

However… for the sake of argument, let's imagine you somehow disagree with that glowing review. If booze really is, as Dr. Simpson called it, "The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." What should be done? Would the Government simply passing a law to officially ban alcohol make things better or worse?...

Thankfully, there's no need to speculate... many, many years ago, a number of douchebags met in a big marble building, got some nice-ass paper and decreed: No one in America shall drink of the devil’s brew ever again... And because the Government has magical powers, it worked swimmingly and everyone lived happily ever after...

Prohibition was supposed to reduce crime and corruption, solve social problems, reduce the tax burden created by prisons and poorhouses, and improve health and hygiene in America... Hilarious. Instead: Murders skyrocketed, prisons filled up, and Budweiser was replaced by Scarface and his Tommy Gun wielding band of recently unemployed bouncers (who surprisingly didn’t pay taxes at the full corporate rate… or at all).

As for “Improved health and hygiene”… (Assuming you don’t count “being murdered by a gangster” as an official health effect) former light drinkers pussies who simply abstained altogether during prohibition lost the proven health benefits of a daily glass of wine. Whereas heavy drinkers kept right on pounding the sauce, but switched almost entirely to hard liquor.

Now in case you haven’t heard… a shot of backwoods White Lighting -- distilled in stolen barrels by a guy who has literally never owed a pair of shoes -- is worse for you than a Corona. No one's ever drank themselves to death on Woodchuck.

At this point you might be saying "Yeah but... at least people drank less, that’s something." Well, -- and this is actually the most important lesson to come out of prohibition -- they really didn't. The Government told Americans to stop drinking, and Americans told the Government to go fuck itself.

Prohibition wasn't some "noble experiment" as is often proclaimed by bow-tied douchebags who yearn to suck the Government's cock. It got people killed, it ruined lives, and worst of all, it laid down the precedent that you're not a sovereign individual... Your body’s not really “yours”, the Government co-owns it and has a say in how it's run. Once you agree to that, there's nothing they can't do.

Prohibition didn't just hurt people, it failed miserably. Why?... For the same reason every prohibition will always fail... straight economics. Supply and demand. If there's a demand for booze and you reduce its supply, something very simple happens... its price increases, profits raise, and those large profits entice new firms into the market. The tighter you crack down on the supply, the more profitable breaking the law becomes. That's why no "war on drugs" can ever be "won", the harder you fight it, the more profitable you make it. You can't save people from themselves by force... Everyone should have learned that a long time ago.

"I challenge you: Name for me a single government program which has accomplished its intended objectives, rather than the opposite... which has not done more harm than good." ~Milton Friedman

Alright liberals... question: Is it better for a high school kid to be unemployed, or for them to get a job somewhere for three bucks an hour, learn some skills, and gain work experience? And more importantly, if someone wants to work for a given amount… who the fuck are you to tell them no?

Thomas Sowell pointed out "The minimum wage is always zero." Absolutely goddamn right. The worst thing you can do for poor people is chop off the bottom rungs of the latter. Why the fuck do you think teen unemployment is at 24%?

What was true back then is true today, the government isn't fucking magic. (Now this may not be most riveting video you've ever seen, but the points it makes are key):

Thought experiment: Imagine you're one of those evil/rich CEOs liberals are always complaining about. Obviously (because you're so rich and evil) you spend most your time figuring out new ways to fuck-over poor people for your own amusement. The tears of the poor actually arouse you sexually. For you, bus security camera footage is like hardcore German pornography. Hurricane Katrina was your "Two Girls One Cup".

So you wake up one morning, affix your monocle, and begin devising your master plan to destroy the lives of poor people nationwide. But what's the best way to use your immense wealth to inflict maximum damage? Well, you could pay the poor to punch themselves in the face and maybe put out cigarettes on their arms... But for that to work, they'd have to agree… you need to think bigger.

You could send henchmen to grocery stores to buy up all the food so poor people would have nowhere to spend their food stamps, but creating a famine would hurt everyone and the logistics involved in pulling that off nationwide are ridiculous. No, this plan requires finesse.

You finally realize: So much of people's happiness is tied to their car. A shitty car that keeps breaking down is a nonstop hassle, but not having a car at all and being forced to ride the bus every day... That’s even worse. Without a car, every trip, whether it's commuting to work, running errands, applying for jobs, or going on dates, your day is twice as difficult as it should be.

With that in mind, you settle on a plan: Now you can't simply buy up all the poor people’s cars; that would give them money and defeat the purpose. So instead, you pay middle-class people (with jobs and good credit) to trade in their perfectly good used cars for brand new cars… and then burn all their old ones. It's perfect.

It's like a kid burning all the clothes they’ve outgrown so their younger siblings don't get any hand-me-downs. It's ultimate dick move. People driving terrible POS mobiles can't afford new cars, their only possibility for bettering their transportation situation was upgrading to a slightly better used car... but you just burned them all. The poor get fucked and the rich get richer.

Well done sir... You truly are one evil son of a bitch. Now all your plan needs is a name, maybe something like "Cash for Clunkers" Yeah... That's catchy.

Liberals, you remember cash for clunkers, don’t you?... It was your idea, after all, and it went something like this: “We’ll all be better off (and save on gas) if we borrow billions of dollars from China to pay people with good used cars to buy new cars, and then destroy those 700,000 perfectly good used cars.” So… how’d that turn out?

Well... after cash for clunkers ended, Edmunds.com analyzed the results and found that of the almost 700,000 cars sold, all but 125,000 would have been sold anyway. So the government spent $3 billion and stimulated 125,000 extra car sales. That’s $24,000 per car… Goddamnit. It would have been cheaper for the government to have simply bought 125,000 Ford Focuses and have given them away.

Dealers have reported the supply of used cars is so low that the dealers themselves are paying 25% over bluebook at auction to buy cars to sell on their lot (that’s before they add their markup). Liberals, if you didn't know reducing the supply of used cars would make them more expensive, then you’re dangerously incompetent and should probably be beaten with a rolled-up newspaper until you feel shame for what you’ve done.

It didn’t stimulate the economy, gas is more expensive, used cars are more expensive, it was massively inefficient, and it fucked the poor … Everything we’ve come to expect from a liberal program.

Here's a question for the parents out there: For you, what's the worst event imaginable, your ultimate nightmare?... Probably something close to: A group of men methodically beating your child to death, as he screams out for you to come save him... but you're not there.

Kelly Thomas was in his late 20’s when he first developed the symptoms of schizophrenia. As is common among schizophrenics, he struggled in the following years, going on and off of medication, as well as on and off the streets. By 37, Thomas was homeless, living in Fullerton, California. He had long hair, was probably malnourished (only weighing around 140 pounds) and was described by locals as “gentile” and “child-like”.

On the day after Independence Day, 2011, Fullerton Police approached Thomas while investigating a report that someone was breaking into cars. When the police tried to search his backpack, he attempted to run, but officers chased him down and tackled him in the street.

Once on the ground, cops proceeded to ruthlessly taze him, beat him with flashlights and tazers, and deliver repeated knee-drops to his head and throat… all while the mentally-ill Kelly Thomas lay helpless in the street, screaming in pain.

Before police finally beat him into a comma (from which he never recovered) a bystander’s cell phone video captured Thomas’s last words: “Dad! Dad! Dad!” he cried out for his father to come save his life. Unfortunately, his father wasn’t on the scene. The police, apparently unmoved by Thomas’s pleas, continued beating him until he was limp and brain dead:

Minutes after the beating ended, a few eye-witnesses boarded a nearby bus and discussed what they’d just seen. Their conversation was captured on the bus's cameras:

This is what 6 armed and trained police officers did to one unarmed, malnourished, 140 pound mentally-ill man:

Right now you're probably thinking "Jesus fucking Christ... those cops are definitely in jail...right?" No, of course they’re not in jail... Have you met the government? The City’s spent the last month trying to cover this whole thing up (apparently, killing homeless people was never such a big deal). There are complaints that the District Attorney's Office is dragging its feet... they took 3 weeks to start interviewing witnesses.

The beating reportedly took place under one of the city's light post security cameras, and after the incident, the officers involved sat down together and watched the tape (which has not been released) while they wrote their police reports to make sure they got their stories straight.  Even though the Police Department had video (from day one) of exactly what happened that night, in the days following the beating only one officer was suspended. The other five officers involved weren't even put on leave until those 3rd-party videos began surfacing and media outrage forced the issue, almost a month after Thomas's death.

Luckily, the Feds are taking over the investigation... So, hopefully these cops will be tried for murder, and spend the rest of their lives in Federal “pound me in the ass” prison… but at this point, no guarantees.

Thomas's murder is a perfect example of why "bad cops" are so much worse than bad civilians... If a gang is beating a man in the streets, bystanders can call the cops, or even step in themselves. But when cops are murdering a man, bystanders wouldn't dare step in to stop it themselves. When the system designed to promote justice becomes the ultimate tool of injustice, people have nowhere to turn.

So we need a new standard for judging police officers... Call it the "Kelly Thomas Standard"... From now on for someone to be counted as a "good cop", it's not enough to simply "not do bad". They must actively try to stop the bad cops (that's what you're fucking paying them for). Otherwise, they're just an enabler.

Unfortunately (at this point) it seems like the breakdown is: Around 10% of cops are bad, 80% stand by and do nothing, enabling and covering for bad cops, and 10% of cops are actually good (they're willing to stand up to the bad cops, even if it costs them their job.)

Hate your boss?… Wish that blonde in accounting was single?... In the past only rich, politically connected people could use the government to systematically destroy their enemies, but not anymore. Now (apparently) one simple tip regarding meth labs or automatic weapons might just make your dreams come true. Listen, hard work's for suckers. Do you really think Congressmen or Governors got where they are simply through hard work?...

You might be worried that the police might take a few minutes and "stake out" your enemy's house (or "investigate" your claim in any way at all) before sending in SWAT… Well fear not, those days are long gone:

So... in the United States of America, all the evidence needed of obtain a warrant for a SWAT raid is "Some guy said so"?... How the fuck does that conversation go?

Cops: "Your honor, we need to storm this house in the middle of the night with machine guns and kill anyone who resists."
Judge: "Why?"
Cops: "They have machine guns, too."
Judge: "How do you know?"
Cops: "An informant, Garry the crack-head told us."
Judge: "Get the fuck outa here… You know Garry? He's good people, salt of the earth. If Garry the crack-head said it, it's good enough for me."