Funny how those greedy, profit-seeking corporations have developed a non-violent system of tags and alarms to combat potential shoplifters, yet the altruistic government has no time for such finesses... Everybody gets the crackhead takedown:

So according to police, this video of a grandfather (who was somehow arrested for shoplifting even though he never made any attempt to take merchandise out of the store) lying unconscious and bleeding profusely in the middle of a Walmart, while a circle of witnesses complain it was police brutality, doesn't in any way indicate that officers acted inappropriately:

At this point there's no video of the police actually executing their (totally by-the-book and official) "Slam A Civilian's Face Into the Concrete As Hard As Possible" maneuver, but scientists agree it probably looked something like this:

Before this video surfaced, DC Police claimed that this disabled man "refused to comply” to a police citation and resisted arrest, which “resulted in him falling out of his wheelchair.” After the investigation, officers were cleared of any wrongdoing. Apparently, "acting appropriately" includes falsifying police reports and hospitalizing petty criminals.

Recently, people have been blaming a "focus on individualism" for turning kids into entitled little douchebags, but it's so obviously the exact fucking opposite. It's this collectivist mindset where "you have to bring enough for the whole class" and "everybody gets a trophy" that teaches kids to focus on what others have. An individualist doesn't feel a right to any other individual's property, and doesn't recognize any other individuals claim to theirs. Envy, jealousy, and self-entitled-douchebaggery all arise from dwelling on others, not yourself. Adam Carolla brakes it down perfectly:

When you focus on making everyone the same, you necessarily spend all your time focusing on people's differences. That's why every collectivist movement inevitably breaks into factions. Any group has a "top 1%", even Occupy Wall Street:

Being a libertarian is a lot like being the guy on the Titanic who bet his friend 50 bucks they'd hit an iceberg, or the scientist in every sci-fi movie who no one listens to until the shit goes down. The gravity of the situation always seems to rain on your "I told you so" parade... Unless of course... you're comfortable being a bit of an asshole... Then, the spectacle of a libertarian "I told you so End Zone Dance" Is a Goddamn sight to behold.

While everyone around you is collapsing to their knees, rending their clothes and crying out "What have I done!?" You're cabbage-patching on top of a table, sarcastically repeating each person's (now disproven) statements from previous conversations, and then breaking into a 14 minute extemporaneous song about how everyone in the room should suck your cock.

So with that in mind... anyone out there who still believes government has your best interests at heart or that politicians are anything other than the most successful conmen in history, enjoy this 60 Minutes exposé on congressional insider trading, then come back and remind everyone why you thought it was a good idea to put these people in charge of healthcare, education, or anything for that matter.

If you give the Government money, politicians will use it to enrich their contributors, their friends, and themselves... Then they'll lie to your face and call you selfish for not wanting to pay higher taxes... Stop fucking believing them.

Drunken Cynic

Contributing Author

Most of you have probably heard about the recent “protests” on Wall St. and in other cities across the country. Angry groups of people are banding together to protest “corporate greed” and “the rich”. People think that corporations are “making too much money” and think that a CEO doesn’t deserve to make millions of dollars a year. These protestors also think people who work hard to make millions of dollars a year need to pay more taxes, because they need to pay their “fair share” (which is total bullshit, mind you). This is maddening to me, in more than one way.

First off, I understand; these people are angry. They are angry because they are out of work, or under employed. Most of them have student loan debt, an upside down mortgage, credit card debt, or maybe even all of the above, and they think it unfair that others are profiting from their situation. Well, I can understand that anger; however, it is misdirected. If they are upset about the housing crisis, don’t blame a day trader on Wall St, blame uncle sam for allowing the housing crisis to occur. But, this is only the tip of the iceberg for me.

When I write about the social situation in this country today, it generally gets back to the same point; accountability. No one wants to be accountable for anything anymore, and instead, points fingers and claims things aren’t fair. Well, I have news for you: life isn’t fair, you better wear a helmet. Oh, what’s that, you are upset someone is profiting on the student loans you knowingly signed up for? No one forces you to take loans to go to college (some people actually work hard, save money, and then go to an inexpensive school that is within their budget. Imagine that.), and there is no universal law stating everyone HAS to get a higher education past high school. Your debt is a direct reflection of the choices you make. What’s that? You don’t like that your credit card has a 27% APR? Aww, that’s too bad. Oh wait, that’s right, you KNEW what you were getting into when you ran up those credit cards, you KNEW you would have to pay interest. Again, it’s a personal choice; it’s no one’s fault but your own. No one takes accountability for anything anymore, and it really pisses me off. Look, I have an outstanding balance on 2 credit cards. I pay a steep APR every month, and while I hate making payment after payment for things (read: bar tabs) I spent money on 2 years ago, I fully accept the consequences to my actions. It’s not some day-trader or CEOs fault I have credit card debt. It’s my own damn fault. Why can’t more people seem to understand this? You are NOT entitled to go to college, you are NOT entitled to have an iPhone or a nice shiny new TV, you are NOT entitled to own a house. If you are upset that lending institutions push this idea on you (the idea that everything is attainable right now, and that all you have to do is sign on the dotted line and its yours), the idea that you can have all that stuff without saving for it (and having to pay back substantially more than you borrowed as a result) then you are upset with the very nature of capitalism. If you talk to some of the protestors on Wall St, they will tell you that very thing; they are looking to end capitalism. You know, because the alternatives to capitalism have turned out so well for those who have tried…

On to the second part of my rant. Greed. Unions have sent some of their members to join in the protests of “corporate greed”. This makes me so mad, I can hardly see straight. Unions protesting greed? Is this an ironic joke? Let me tell you a story about how greedy unions, themselves, can be. A couple years ago, President Obama created some stimulus money for “shovel ready projects” nationwide (which, ironically, were not shovel ready, as it took 2 years for them to start working). So, basically, the economy sputtered, and the government literally said “Hey, we know you could use some work, so, here’s some money, come up with some road work to do”. 2 years later, they started work on an intersection near my house. (It should be noted that the intersection had no problems and functioned perfectly prior to the construction) It seemed like a fairly quick job; add a turn lane to each road at a 4 way intersection. So, in April, they broke ground, closed off one lane each at the 4 way intersection….then went on strike. The unions were protesting for MORE MONEY, despite the fact that the very jobs they had were a charity project in the first place. That takes balls. The government CREATED jobs for them, and the union in turn said “Fuck you, pay me more” after they had torn the roads up and inconvenienced the taxpayers, who were funding said construction. I’m sorry, but if you are trying to tell me that these are the “good guys”, you are smoking rocks. By the way, it’s now mid October, and the construction still has not been completed. So, what’s the difference? Bankers, stock traders, CEOs are all labeled as “greedy” because they want to make more money, but, when it comes to unions, they get a pass? I don’t understand.

For the record, I didn’t support the corporate bailouts a few years ago, and I don’t support tax breaks for big companies who stash profits offshore. If you are angry at these things, you need to protest in front of the White House, or write to your congressman. Those are the people to blame in this situation. Not corporations or CEOs themselves. However, since it is easier to just lob word bombs at “the rich” and “corporations”, people are more content to simply do just that. I recently read an article that supported protest Wall St. by saying “the super rich just keep on profiting, while the rest of us eat shit”. Is that how it is? Do us “middle class” (and even lower class, for that matter) really have it THAT bad? When was the last time any of you literally ate shit? We live in the best country in the world, and enjoy a remarkably high standard of living in comparison to the majority of the world’s population. The vast, VAST majority of us have electricity, clean running water, and a roof over our heads. Is that so bad? We can go and worship to whatever god or gods we please, and don’t have to worry about being persecuted to do so. We live in a country where anyone, ANYONE can make something of themselves. This is the land of opportunity, and with enough hard work and dedication, anyone can make themselves into a rags to riches story. Somehow, this has been lost on some of us, and that makes me sad. Instead of taking advantage of all the opportunities this country presents us, we sit and bitch about someone “making too much money”. In short, the choices we make shape who we are, and what we become. Take some accountability, America. Stop playing the blame game. Quit throwing stones at people who are more successful, as if there is some conspiracy out there that is hindering you from succeeding. And please, stop complaining that someone is making too much money, and that you deserve more. After all, that’s just being greedy.

So, according to the Left, businesses like Chase Bank are the world's biggest assholes because: If you walk into their building and ask them to buy you a house, they'll only do it so long as you promise to pay them back… Then, if you don't honor that contract, they'll take back that house that they paid for in the first place?… What evil sons of bitches.

Clearly, there's only one thing to be done... Round up your friends, borrow a car, Google where those rich assholes are headquartered, and mindlessly chant platitudes at them for weeks on end... That'll show those millionaires who's fucking boss… Unless of course they truly are as evil as you fear, then they'll probably just become uncontrollably aroused by your plight and spend all day staring down at you from their corner offices while masturbating furiously.

But hey, look on the bright side, at least those evil bankers can't steal your house unless they first helped you pay for it. It's not like they can roll up on a city block, declare it theirs, and tell its inhabitants to hit the bricks... No, there's only one organization greedy and evil enough to pull that shit…

So let's compare evil banks to benevolent government:

Deceptive Contracts:
Banks: Will only do business with you if sign a contract, which can sometimes be hard to fully understand.
Government: Insists you signed some magical social contract before you were even born, giving them total power over your life and property. No one can refuse it, there are no appeals, and you're never allowed to actually see a copy or read what you supposedly agreed to.

Foreclosures:
Banks: If you fail to live up to your end of a contract, a bank can take possession of the house it had originally paid for.
Government: can at any time, purely to make more money, take your property and give it to a business that they think will pay them more in taxes.

Transaction Fees:
Banks: Charge a $2 fee for using another banks ATM (Some banks now charge a $5 monthly fee to debit card users.)
Government: Charges you around a 7% fee on every purchase, and around a 20% fee on your income, as well as hundreds of hidden fees you don't even realize you're paying.

Interest:
Banks: Will pay you extra if you have large amounts of money on deposit.
Government: prints money, which inflates the currency and devalues whatever money you have, and if they ever catch you with a large amount of cash, they'll simply assume you're a drug dealer and seize it through asset forfeiture.

"I challenge you: Name for me a single government program which has accomplished its intended objectives, rather than the opposite... which has not done more harm than good." ~Milton Friedman

The war on drugs has been such an unmitigated cluster-fuck that it can only be tackled in chunks, so we begin with the greatest drug of all time… C₂H₅OH, aka “Mr. Walker’s Amber Restorative” aka… Alcohol… Yes, alcohol is a drug; official side effects include: mysterious bruises, headaches, crime, vomiting, adventurous sexual exploits, and the best Goddamn stories of your life.

Think of alcohol as reversion therapy… The more you drink, the younger you act: The first couple rounds turn you into a chatty teenager; a few more and you're a giggly 12-year-old. Then, before you know it, you're naked, rolling around on the ground, covered in your own piss and shit, babbling like an infant (and for fucks sake, whatever you do, don't drink yourself to pre-birth or you'll experience what's known as "dying of alcohol poisoning").

However… for the sake of argument, let's imagine you somehow disagree with that glowing review. If booze really is, as Dr. Simpson called it, "The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." What should be done? Would the Government simply passing a law to officially ban alcohol make things better or worse?...

Thankfully, there's no need to speculate... many, many years ago, a number of douchebags met in a big marble building, got some nice-ass paper and decreed: No one in America shall drink of the devil’s brew ever again... And because the Government has magical powers, it worked swimmingly and everyone lived happily ever after...

Prohibition was supposed to reduce crime and corruption, solve social problems, reduce the tax burden created by prisons and poorhouses, and improve health and hygiene in America... Hilarious. Instead: Murders skyrocketed, prisons filled up, and Budweiser was replaced by Scarface and his Tommy Gun wielding band of recently unemployed bouncers (who surprisingly didn’t pay taxes at the full corporate rate… or at all).

As for “Improved health and hygiene”… (Assuming you don’t count “being murdered by a gangster” as an official health effect) former light drinkers pussies who simply abstained altogether during prohibition lost the proven health benefits of a daily glass of wine. Whereas heavy drinkers kept right on pounding the sauce, but switched almost entirely to hard liquor.

Now in case you haven’t heard… a shot of backwoods White Lighting -- distilled in stolen barrels by a guy who has literally never owed a pair of shoes -- is worse for you than a Corona. No one's ever drank themselves to death on Woodchuck.

At this point you might be saying "Yeah but... at least people drank less, that’s something." Well, -- and this is actually the most important lesson to come out of prohibition -- they really didn't. The Government told Americans to stop drinking, and Americans told the Government to go fuck itself.

Prohibition wasn't some "noble experiment" as is often proclaimed by bow-tied douchebags who yearn to suck the Government's cock. It got people killed, it ruined lives, and worst of all, it laid down the precedent that you're not a sovereign individual... Your body’s not really “yours”, the Government co-owns it and has a say in how it's run. Once you agree to that, there's nothing they can't do.

Prohibition didn't just hurt people, it failed miserably. Why?... For the same reason every prohibition will always fail... straight economics. Supply and demand. If there's a demand for booze and you reduce its supply, something very simple happens... its price increases, profits raise, and those large profits entice new firms into the market. The tighter you crack down on the supply, the more profitable breaking the law becomes. That's why no "war on drugs" can ever be "won", the harder you fight it, the more profitable you make it. You can't save people from themselves by force... Everyone should have learned that a long time ago.